Unfair

It’s unfair.
I know.
It’s completely unfair for me to hurt
to cry
to not sleep
all over you
who
I gave up.
Apparently my heart is more involved than I thought.
It’s not my place anymore
to ask
to know
and I know that…
but it doesn’t mean I don’t…

hold my breath every time you walk by
feel my heart drop heavy and sigh
fake a smile when its everything but
overlook what feels like a knife in my gut
brush away those menacing tears
secretly long that you were still here
get hot with jealousy just at the thought
think of you and who she is not.